TODAY!
so Antz told me that today he was going to break with my ex, (who i will call A from now on)
i called him after his exam and he told me that he was heading to see A and he needed me to call him just to be his strenght
and i did
but he didnt answer
i called again
he didnt answer, his phone was off
and i did it over and over again and i sent a message after that: COURAGE! DONT FALL AGAIN HAVE COURAGE!

a couple of hour later Antz came over, (and i was working btw, i still have soo much work to do) so he told me what he did
he told me that A treated him like shit again and antz told him that he was going to regret his bad decitions and i fuckingly agree with that

after that we talked more and more about A about how he was such a selfish horny bastard who fucked everything with 2 legs and an entry, and how we were disgusted by him and etc etc
then he went home and a minute later ED appeared
( if you dont remember Ed i will tell you quickly, Ed was the boy who wanted to be with me when we were on highscool but i was in love with my bestie and then he went out with A, after they broke up and A set his eyes on me and made me forget my feelings for my bestie i started dating A, Ed of course was hurt and i felt like shit but he told me that i deserved happiness, since i was in love with my bestie for 4 years and i suffered quietly for all that time. later A took away my first time and treated me like a toy)

anyways Ed appeared and he went to where i was, with his sad little eyes and asked if Antz was here and i said : yeah...
and he told me we has sad because his mom was starting drinking again and we talked.

but then Ed said something...
i said: Antz wants to talk with you, he wants to apologize to you since he thought you were a bad person when in the end A was the bastard.
Ed said that it was ok with him but that it wouldnt be ok with his master....

YEAH DEVIANTART YOU HEARD IT!
HIS MASTER!
OMFG! HE WAS STILL GETTING ON WITH A! after we made a promise that neither of us were going to fall again in his claws!
i was like: WHAT?!  and he was like SHIT o-o
i snapped, yelled at him, scolded him, i said lots of things that were truth, that he need to respect himself and A is not worth SHIT!

then he told me it was ok because he has a boyfriend now, a long distance boyfriend and i calmed down
but then Ed said something stupid again.
- Well after A and i broke up 3 weeks ago i
me: WHAT?! 3 WEEKS AGO?! WE MADE A PACT MONTHS AGO!

and i snapepd again

GOD Ed will never get over A and that is so horrible! A is horrible i dont want to feel hate but i think is the only feeling that i get!
i mean, Ed even wrote A's name in his arm with a wire
A FUCKING WIRE! Ed pays for his internet, Ed bought him a laptop!
and for what?! for nothing, the only thing he gets is A getting stronger and treating him like shit!

i am so tired right now!
im sick of this drama and im in the middle
Antz counts with me  to help him get over A
Ed counts with me because im his last real friend
and i have work
homework
and i just want to cry because theres so much pressure
i want out of this drama
NOW! PLEASE!
.... sigh....

but i cant, i need to help them
they are my friends... they need me... i just hope there would be someone to talk about this... everyone talks about me and look for a solution but i dont have anyone... sucks balls!

long journal... bleh ROXJ OUT
imsotired